Body image

Any other women who's body didn't go back to the way it was after a pregnancy will relate to this post. When I got pregnant with baby #2 I was not where I wanted to be with my body and weight. It was difficult to accept that my body would yet be changing again when I hadn't even gotten to my goal first.
Before I was pregnant I was one of the many girls that didn't fit into society's idea of thin. I was a year round athlete, thicker built, with larger shoulders and boobs. I never felt that I was skinny enough and always felt the need to work at being that way. I didn't appreciate the way my body was pre baby. Now, I wouldn't trade my babies for anything but I wish that I could go back to tell myself to relax and enjoy the body that I had. To be proud of the way my body was made. I should've been fine with my body and not felt the need to be embarrassed at the beach or the pool.
Not every body changes the same way during a pregnancy. I learned that quickly. I always hoped that I'd be one of those lucky girls that was all belly, nope! Not at all! I gained weight every where and looked swollen. :-/ Celebrities and models and super cute pregnant women give you false hope of what you think you'll look like. I was also one of the unlucky ones to get stretch marks, and not just a few, and not light ones either. I had quite a bit and they were purple and redish. I didn't feel horrible about the ones on my belly, they were my baby battle scars, but the ones that appeared on my legs post labor still to this day make me self conscious.
After I had Briley I did get back to my pre pregnancy weight but my body didn't get the memo. I still didn't fit my old clothes the right way, I still felt awkward and frumpy in my own skin. And going to the pool when a swim suit didn't fit right and my new tiger stripes (stretch marks) on my stomach and legs? Fagetta'bout it! I tried really hard to lose more weight and make myself feel better and after a while I did. But I didn't reach my ultimate goal before I found out that I was expecting for a second time. And now that I'm pregnant again I worry how my body will change this go round. Will I get even bigger? Will the stretch marks get even worse? If the worst happens to my body, will I ever get time to go to the gym?
I hope to eventually feel comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not sure when that will be, but hopefully someday in the not too distant future.

Moving

We're moving! No not to Oklahoma,  or another post, we are moving across post to a bigger house. Woo, three bedrooms instead of two! I'm excited to be in a bigger house but I LOATHE moving! I've done it three times by myself, with some help from family and friends. And let me tell ya, it sucks. Luckily this move isn't an 800 mile move, just a few miles.

I always feel overwhelmed when I have to move. I know all the packing and cleaning and painting that is soon to be in my future. I just see the overall picture and tasks that I have to get done and it feels daunting. I think with this one, I'm going to go room by room and pack up what I don't use on a daily basis and then stuff from other seasons. What are y'alls packing methods? Any tips that you feel make it easier?  This is the first time I will be packing up a home with a child, so packing and such has to be during nap times which limits what I can get done in a day by myself. Oh well, I guess I better get cracking then, huh? ;)

By the way, thanks everyone for the love and support on my blog. ;) ♥

For all the wrong reasons

I have been having an internal argument with myself over my lack of volunteerism lately. I mean with one toddler and being pregnant I feel like I don't have time for myself, let alone strangers that I don't know. But there are other people that do and it makes me wonder if I am (or sometimes others) doing it for the right reasons. My husband tells me often that I have the best heart, and I don't know why he says it honestly. I just try to help others when I can.

When my husband was deployed it was easy to be at every single FRG function and help set up and run it. But I feel now that he's home I want to spend my time as family time. Is that wrong? Part of me feels selfish and the other part feels justified. My main question is where do you divide your time between helping others and helping your own family? It's not just the FRG that I like to help out, I like to do other things as well, when I wasn't pregnant I would donate blood every 6 weeks, I am always a sucker for the kids at St.Jude's, and I feel like I'm always getting rid of spare change or one dollar bills in those donation boxes by cashiers. I don't do it to promote my selfworth, but it feels good to help others that have less than I do.
With that being said I do know some people in other companies that have been very public about their "selflessness" and dedication to the FRG logging so many of their hours just so they can get the recognition. And those kind of people make me want to vomit. How hard is it to just be a nice person and a decent human being? If we were all selfless just once a month imagine how many people we could help.
For those of you that dedicate your time and money to helping others, I applaude you and look up to you. I hope to be more of a helper and less selfish. But mostly I want to teach my children to help those that need it. ♥

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Well if y'all don't know by now from my Facebook page, I am currently pregnant with baby Dutton #2! It was a big surprise for both of us, to say we weren't trying is beyond accurate. God definitely threw us a curve ball with this one. Brian and I had actually just discussed how horrible the timing would be for a baby and about a week later those two pink lines showed up. We are both scared and excited. Scared because I feel that I wasn't ready for another baby yet, and ready to be a mother of two when I had just mastered mother of one. But excited because there is no better joy than bringing a baby into this world. <br>
I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with baby Dutton #2. My estimated due date is October 10, 2013; but we all know this baby wil arrive when it wants to. Brian and I think that this baby will be a girl, due to the pregnancy being identical to Briley's and because of the infantryman's curse. ;) Sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant but then I have the slight bulge in my middle that looks like I hate a dozen donuts too many. I don't have many symptoms but I didn't have much with B either. And I thank sweet baby Jesus for no morning sickness so far (*knock on wood*) because I'm not sure how caring for a 15 month old and puking my guts out would coincide.

I can say that now I am getting more excited about my second pregnancy. I have my next doctor appointment in 2 weeks and I get to schedule my ultrasound for the anatomy scan around 20 weeks. So soon we will find out if baby #2 is a she or he. :) Any gusses?

Not a perfect world

I know that life's not fair, it was one of the first lessons I learned from Disney (thank you Lion King). And I know that this world is very far from perfect. I am trying my hardest to be a good person and to make the best choices and actions for a better world. But when other people can't even try to make the same choice it totally grinds my gears. I try to do right by the world and not add more bullshit to it, but I feel that after one too many times that you have been taken advantage of you start to just want karma to bitch slap that person in the face. I am over trying to be nice to a certain lack of a person and her beyond ignorant husband and her two not so cute boys.

I realize that this is not a nice post, no where close to it, but sometimes a a girl's just got to vent. Anyone else have experiences where you just wanted to ruin someone's life but took the high road? Please share, and please tell me that karma was swift and just in the long run?

A bit of randomess

Where has the time gone? I tried to be a better blogger (last year), but this year I will be a better blogger. It's one of my goals, I don't make resolutions, but goals and to do lists, yes! So this is my first post of 2013 and yes I know that it is January 23rd.


I feel like it was just yesterday that I was making my last preparations before my baby was due to arrive. She ended up making her entrance earlier than her due date, but she was still early by 4 days. ;) And now here I sit, alone on the couch going over her last minute party plans and making decorations. I honestly can't believe that in less than 48 hours my baby will be ONE! Where did the hell did time go? And why did it take my baby with it? For all of you ladies that are pregnant, or have newborns, enjoy everything of having a small baby: all the baby snuggles where you do nothing but stare at your baby; soak up the sleepless nights where your baby wants to be fed and held all night long; even soak up waking up a few times a night. Because before you know it, your baby will be sleeping through the night and will be too busy crawling, walking, or running to want to snuggle.


I feel so lucky to have been blessed with the gift of motherhood. Briley has changed my life in ways that I didn't know that I needed. I could be having a horrible day and then when I look at B's smiling face my world instantly is better. I love her more than words can say and I can't believe that my body created something so perfect (with a little help from Brian ;] ). People that say that they don't want kids honestly don't know what happiness they are keeping from themselves.

"There's no place like home"

Now that I am an adult and have a child of my own, this saying could not be any more true. When I was living in Fort Walton Beach, Florida I always knew that it was home to me; I was not worried one bit about leaving for college and not returning for 4 years, or even longer if need be. I knew where my family was and where I would always have a place to stay. Now that I'm a parent I feel like maybe I didn't really appreciate how great my home was or how often I miss it. Being married to Brian (and therefore the Army) and only being able to travel home when we are given time has made me realize how much I really do miss home and how it wouldn't be so bad of a place to come back to and raise Briley (and future children).

I think, perhaps, I was a bit spoiled by living 10 minutes from the prettiest beaches in the world. That's right, in the world. Try to top white sand beaches and emerald waters. What's that? Oh, you can't? I didn't think so. (See, like I said, spoiled. ;]) We always had the ability to go to the beach, from April all the way until October. So you better believe that on the weekends and after school we were there. The beaches are one very important part of home that I know is great and I never had to think twice about it. The other parts you don't think of as a kid: homes, real estate market, schools, jobs, cost of living. Those parts seem to fall by the wayside until you have a child to make you take these things into consideration.

While I was in school I didn't give a rat's ass about being there more than I had to. I also didn't care how great the school system was that I was in. Looking at it now from a different perspective I use my old schools as a measuring stick of how I would like the schools to be for Briley. I don't want her to be sold short on any opportunities. (After all, isn't that the intent of being a parent? To want our children to have more and do better than we did?) I want her future schools to have the option of taking AP (advanced placement) classes or IB (international baccalaureate) classes. I want her school to have an "A+" rating, her teachers to be intelligent, caring and to give a damn. I want Briley to have the option to play any sport for her school that she wants to. And I also want her to be in a diverse enough school where people have a difference of opinion but can still be friends. (Sounds like I'm describing a school out of a movie right? Well I'm not, I actually went to PUBLIC schools like this.)

The housing market everywhere kinda sucks in this recession, am I right? But most of the houses in my old town are affordable, and not ridiculous. No one needs 6 bedrooms anyway, right? But since a lot of the homes are older and ranch style they are more affordable to the average person. Because no one needs a mortgage payment that they can't afford. *Another added plus, they feel homier* :) Maybe it's just because it's what I grew up with, but I like the way the neighborhoods and homes are designed. It feels more "old school" and like a community, which I want B to have. To have friends in the neighborhood and to be able to run around and run amok. :)

I could go on forever, bottom line: I've realized that I love and miss my home. I come to realize that it's an amazing place to raise children. Both Brian and I have decided that we love and miss it, and want to raise our children there if we have the opportunity.