Body image

Any other women who's body didn't go back to the way it was after a pregnancy will relate to this post. When I got pregnant with baby #2 I was not where I wanted to be with my body and weight. It was difficult to accept that my body would yet be changing again when I hadn't even gotten to my goal first.
Before I was pregnant I was one of the many girls that didn't fit into society's idea of thin. I was a year round athlete, thicker built, with larger shoulders and boobs. I never felt that I was skinny enough and always felt the need to work at being that way. I didn't appreciate the way my body was pre baby. Now, I wouldn't trade my babies for anything but I wish that I could go back to tell myself to relax and enjoy the body that I had. To be proud of the way my body was made. I should've been fine with my body and not felt the need to be embarrassed at the beach or the pool.
Not every body changes the same way during a pregnancy. I learned that quickly. I always hoped that I'd be one of those lucky girls that was all belly, nope! Not at all! I gained weight every where and looked swollen. :-/ Celebrities and models and super cute pregnant women give you false hope of what you think you'll look like. I was also one of the unlucky ones to get stretch marks, and not just a few, and not light ones either. I had quite a bit and they were purple and redish. I didn't feel horrible about the ones on my belly, they were my baby battle scars, but the ones that appeared on my legs post labor still to this day make me self conscious.
After I had Briley I did get back to my pre pregnancy weight but my body didn't get the memo. I still didn't fit my old clothes the right way, I still felt awkward and frumpy in my own skin. And going to the pool when a swim suit didn't fit right and my new tiger stripes (stretch marks) on my stomach and legs? Fagetta'bout it! I tried really hard to lose more weight and make myself feel better and after a while I did. But I didn't reach my ultimate goal before I found out that I was expecting for a second time. And now that I'm pregnant again I worry how my body will change this go round. Will I get even bigger? Will the stretch marks get even worse? If the worst happens to my body, will I ever get time to go to the gym?
I hope to eventually feel comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not sure when that will be, but hopefully someday in the not too distant future.